why?

yesterday i found out a that a friend that i've grown up with since kindergarten, committed suicide. my heart is broken. the pain is all too real. this wasn't the guy that i knew. he was funny, smart, polite and easy going. i guess he was just tried of the struggle and made a bad decision...unfortunately, this one is permanent.

there are some days when i wake up and dont feel like moving on. but i get through these times b/c i know there is something better; my heart has hope of redemption. in will's case, he didn't have that hope. after struggling so long, i cant even begin to imagine what he must have been going through. the torment. the pain. the struggle.

sometimes i just have to ask why? i know that ill never really know what happened and what was going through his mind but i do know that Christ loved him through it all. i know that he saw past the mistakes will was making and loved him unconditionally.

its like theres this dark veil covering my face from reality. i dont understand how people can willingly and purposefully reject the only one who truly loves them. i'm not sure of whats next, but i do know that even going through this dark time, He will rescue me and give me comfort.

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
-Psalm 34:17-18