summer months

well its been a while. a long while at that.
the past few months have been crazy.
but not busy crazy.
more like "insanely difficult/an emotional roller coaster ride".
this summer...
well lets put it this way
my faith has never been tested so hard.
ive stumbled.
ive fallen.
and ive failed.
sometimes i wonder how jesus could possibly want me.
but through all of this ive learned that his grace is enough for me.
ive been blessed with an amazing family and some really great friends.
i get my 3 meals a day, i live in a nice place and i have a warm bed to sleep in.
i know that what ive been through will do nothing but shape the person christ wants me to be.
sometimes its insanely difficult and i feel like giving up
but i know that theres a purpose to these trials.
often i wonder if social work is the right path for me.
am i just following in my mom and sisters footsteps because i wanna be like them?
or is this my true calling?
and it has been over these past few months that ive received my answer.
i was made to reach out and help those people who cant help themselves.
i was created to be that person that just loves on people for who they are.
am i humble enough to walk with the people who others are ashamed to be around?
can i really make a difference?
often i pray for god to increase my faith
and holy crap has it been hard.
i know that life is constantly going to have ups and downs
and life will always be difficult
but with jesus, i can overcome.
i dont just want to survive, i want to live
the words of starfields song Everything is Beautiful come to mind..

"Everything is beautiful.
Even when the tears are falling
I don't need a miracle to believe
Even in the crashing down
I can hear redemption calling
And everything is beautiful to me"

all this may seem like a huge jumbled up mess
i guess that the brokenness ive experienced has brought true beauty to my eyes.
its okay not to have the answers
and its okay not knowing whats to come.
i just have to believe that everything will be okay.
and i KNOW it will be.
with my jesus anything is possible.