I Believe in Love

How long will my prayers seem unanswered?
Is there still faith in me to reach the end?
I'm feeling doubt, I'm losing faith
But giving up would cost me everything

So I'll stand in the pain and the silence
And I'll speak to the dark night

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe

Though I can't see my story's ending
That doesn't mean the dark night has no end
It's only here that I find faith
And learn to trust the One who writes my days

So I'll stand in the pain and silence
And I'll speak to the dark night

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe

No dark can consume Light
No death greater than this life
We are not forgotten
Hope is found when we say
Even when He is silent

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe

When I am weak, then I am strong.

something hit me today. every time i choose my own way of living, i not only disappoint my heavenly father but it hurts him as well. our lives shouldn't be lead out of fear of what will happen to us if we disobey or, by the want to end up in heaven after we die. our lives should be lead to live to do nothing except please Him. it should be an honor to take on the persecution of the world in the name of Jesus.

this was the my devotion yesterday and i read it again today because it really hit me hard.

Are you determined to have your own way in living for God? We will never be free from this trap until we are brought into the experience of the baptism of "the Holy Spirit and fire" (Matthew 3:11). Stubbornness and self-will will always stab Jesus Christ. It may hurt no one else, but it wounds His spirit. Whenever we are obstinate and self-willed and set on our own ambitions, we are hurting Jesus. Every time we stand on our own rights and insist that this is what we intend to do, we are persecuting Him. Whenever we rely on self-respect, we systematically disturb and grieve His Spirit. And when we finally understand that it is Jesus we have been persecuting all this time, it is the most crushing revelation ever.

Is the Word of God tremendously penetrating and sharp in me as I hand it on to you, or does my life betray the things I profess to teach? I may teach sanctification and yet exhibit the spirit of Satan, the very spirit that persecutes Jesus Christ. The spirit of Jesus is conscious of only one thing--a perfect oneness with the Father. And He tells us, "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls" (Matthew 11:29). All I do should be based on a perfect oneness with Him, not on a self-willed determination to be godly. This will mean that others may use me, go around me, or completely ignore me, but if I will submit to it for His sake, I will prevent Jesus Christ from being persecuted.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
-2 Corinthians 12:9-10

an awakening

so its here. finally. i created a blog. but along with this, comes sooo many...responsibilities? i've got this problem with being vulnerable. i avoid it at all costs; constantly shutting myself away into whats comfortable. never changing, never growing, avoiding pain and putting on the "happy face" because i never go through hard times and experience emotions....right? WRONG. so here it is; the place where i let go of everything and be completely honest and say what's on my heart.

the song that has be written on my heart is the song Embracing Accusations by Shane and Shane. at first i heard the words but i never really listened. it's incredible how much you can "hear" something and not be listening; to shut out the real meaning and choose what you see and hear and refuse to believe what is true. satan lies. he deceives. he manipulates and for a long time, i believed what he had told me. the past few weeks, God has really taught me what it is to listen. over the years, i had sculpted and formed my own ideas of how to live my life. it's always been about me. and im sick of it. it's almost as if God gave me a wake up call by slapping me in the face.

for the first time, i've experienced pain. real pain. i've experienced brokenness and this deep longing to be loved-this love that cannot be quenched by anyone except by one. i know the truth, i see it, hear it, and even tell all about it. but do i honestly and whole heartedly KNOW it and ACCEPT it? things are changing...i am changing. we have the chance to be molded everyday into what pleases Him and what God calls to be good. am i strong enough to accept the challenge? the answer is no. im not. and until recently, that's where i would have stopped. instead of looking towards Christ and leaning on him, id quit.

God has started to open my eyes. i see things, people, the world...myself differently. i am beautiful. i am perfectly made. i have worth. but do i believe it? God is revealing things to me that i've never seen or experienced before. can i really make a difference? can i really live the life i was called to? so many temptations, so many obstacles. but to think...He was there. He understands. He knows what it feels like. He knows my heart and He hears my every cry.

i am broken. i am vulnerable. i am unworthy. but through these things i can be used for Him and for His glory. God is moving. He is alive. He is wanting. am i ready to be used? it's not about the feelings. it's time to stop thinking, quit questioning and be completely silent and still and know that HE is LORD.

--the devil is singing over me an age old song
--that i am cursed and gone astray
--singing the first verse so conveniently over me
--he's forgotten the refrain
--JESUS SAVES!